There are good days and not so good days but today’s not good. A definite negative answer to a supposedly good day. I am overwhelmed by feelings, emotions, thoughts, worries, practically anything I can think of. I can probably make a list of the things that I worry about.
- What do I have to do to sustain my needs. I need something to help myself. I need to find a way to support myself financially.
- I think stopping my therapy, medication and trip to my psychiatrist will lessen my worries financially.
- But what if I stop going to the doctor and I end up, “giving up”. What if I won’t be able to hit the breaks before I finally crash?
- I feel ashamed for not being able to make something of myself.
- I need to find a way out of this.
- I don’t know if I’ll be able to push through my graduate studies.
- What if I stop my graduate studies and just work to live and pay for my medication.
- What if I do that and I end up not being happy.
- I wish I could help the family like I used to.
- I feel like a failure right now.
- I terribly don’t know what to do.
- I don’t know who to run to.
- I’m so tired of feeling too many things. I just want to stop.
I want to run away from myself. I wish there was a better way to be myself. I wish I could just skip days like these and move forward to better days.