Today’s not good

There are good days and not so good days but today’s not good. A definite negative answer to a supposedly good day. I am overwhelmed by feelings, emotions, thoughts, worries, practically anything I can think of. I can probably make a list of the things that I worry about.

  1. What do I have to do to sustain my needs. I need something to help myself. I need to find a way to support myself financially.
  2. I think stopping my therapy, medication and trip to my psychiatrist will lessen my worries financially.
  3. But what if I stop going to the doctor and I end up, “giving up”. What if I won’t be able to hit the breaks before I finally crash?
  4. I feel ashamed for not being able to make something of myself.
  5. I need to find a way out of this.
  6. I don’t know if I’ll be able to push through my graduate studies.
  7. What if I stop my graduate studies and just work to live and pay for my medication.
  8. What if I do that and I end up not being happy.
  9. I wish I could help the family like I used to.
  10. I feel like a failure right now.
  11. I terribly don’t know what to do.
  12. I don’t know who to run to.
  13. I’m so tired of feeling too many things. I just want to stop.

I want to run away from myself. I wish there was a better way to be myself. I wish I could just skip days like these and move forward to better days.

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